1. Consider the Bible to be out of date and unworthy of your intelligent consideration, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing" (1 Corinthians 1:18).
2. Never read the Bible, because "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17).
3. Never attend a gospel preaching church or Sunday School. If the Church comes together and
"all prophesy, and an unbeliever or an uninformed person comes in, he
is convinced by all, he is convicted by all. And thus the secrets of his
heart are revealed; and so, falling down on his face, he will worship
God and report that God is truly among you" (1 Corinthians 14:24-25).
4. Never pray or call on God for forgiveness, "For 'whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved'" (Romans 10:13).
5. Never listen to a gospel message,
"For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know
God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to
save those who believe" (1 Corinthians 1:21).
6. Continue to live a sinful, selfish life without ever thinking of future judgment, because "it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment" (Hebrews 9:27).
7. Never admit you are a sinner without hope, because Jesus said "I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance" (Matthew 9:13).
8. Never admit that there is life after death, because the Scripture warns "Prepare to meet your God" (Amos 4:12).
9. Never allow a Christian to explain the gospel to you, you
might get saved like the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8:35-37. Then Philip
opened his mouth, and beginning at this Scripture, preached Jesus to
him. Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the
eunuch said, 'See, here is water. What hinders me from being baptized?'
Then Philip said, 'If you believe with all your heart, you may.' And he
answered and said, 'I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.'"
10. Never read an explanation of the gospel. Like
the gospel of John, "these are written that you may believe that Jesus
is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in
His name" (John 20:31).
11. Declare freely that the message of salvation is for the birds and don't try to understand it. Be one of the "scoffers [who] will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts" (2 Peter 3:3).
12. After following these suggestions, just wait - time will do the rest. "For
if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth,
there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful
expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the
adversaries" (Hebrews 10:26-27).
P.S. While waiting, if you still have any inclination to go to Heaven, just dispel any thoughts on this matter. adapted from evangelicaltract.com